(Are medical jokes even better for you? Who knows)
To get started, I will share some true bloopers from Chart Farts -
http://gigglemed.com/chart-farts
You can even sign up to get "Chart Farts" emailed to you every two weeks!
Thanks GiggleMed!!!
Medical Malapropisms from Actual Hospital Charts
“unresponsive and in no distress”
“nonverbal, noncommunicative and offers no complaints”
“The need to maintain dialogue with the family regarding the appropriatenss of limiting futile care to the patient is noted”
“The need to maintain dialogue with the family regarding the appropriatenss of limiting futile care to the patient is noted”
“his Hct is stable but dropping”
“I don’t want to be incubated again”
“increased worriation”
“pulses are fixed and dilated”
“pulses are fixed and dilated”
in asking about code status – “do you want your wife to receive artificial insemination”
“Findings compatible with ileus. Bladder is still in colon”
“be sure to check eyes and nose” (Is and Os)
Reason for leaving AMA – “pt wants to live”
“I had a kiwi on my chest” (keloid)
“dictated home O2, transcribed homo too”
“I have hemorrhoids & the Fitzgeralds”
“homodynamic compromise”
“denies any rectal breeding”
Indication for an EGD (written by a physician) – “stomach hurt, swallow face in the morning, her poop is black & diabetes”
“spucus”
“fireballs in the uterus”
“partial TAH”
Indication for flex sig – “blood when whipping himself”
“chicken pops”
“if she wants children, think about recommending birth control pills”
“polynephritis”
“holy systolic murmur”
“pt expired and was dc’d home”
“Pt has looked cachectic for the past 3 days”
“She diuresed pretty well. I gave her 40 of Lasix and she put out 2000 liters.”
“My back has been hurting ever since they gave me that cauterizer.” (Foley catheter)
“allergic to Sulpher”
“platelets 1889 – dx thrombocytopenia”
“microalbumin anemia”
“GERP”
“albeauty inhaler”
“I follow him for his paranoia”
allergies – “yes”
“She has encephalitis of her right leg.”
“hyperglycemia toe”
“brachycardia”
“The patient is difficult historian. The question is as to what is going on with the patient.”
“The patient is difficult historian. The question is as to what is going on with the patient.”
“This is a 75 YO type 2 hypertensive”
Order “Please feed patient only when awake.”
“She is to wear STD stockings”
“She is to wear STD stockings”
“nonaudible wheezing noted”
When asked if she had a discharge, the patient said “No, but I have Blue Cross Blue Shield.”
“Yes, I just met the Infectious Waste doctor.”
“He is allergic to wives.”
“He is allergic to wives.”
“No clubbing, cyanois, or extremities.”
“fibromyalgia rheumatica”
“fibromyalgia rheumatica”
“Pleasant man lying comfortably in bed. Appears somewhat uncomfortable”
“Her stomach showed 3+ edema up to the knees.”
“Will hold glyburide for now because of reverse hypoglycemia.”
“pneumonia left femur”
“2-4 packs of whiskey QD”
“Pt is on clonidine, not”
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